假人=假兮兮的人。

最近我工作場上出現一位造假功力堪稱為世間一絕的奇人。

她說起話來可以顛三倒四,把不符邏輯之事講得頭頭是道有模有樣;表面上她歡迎任何人的想法,但骨子內她獨裁至極自視甚高,把別人對她的不滿甚或批評當作是屁;她佯裝謙虛總說自己還有很多需要學習的地方,她說想要替別人帶來希望,但事實上就是她造成別人的失望。總而言之,她的話語就像是一把塗滿了蜂蜜的利刃,妳以為舔下去是香甜的,但沒想到竟會劃破妳嘴,血流不止。(而幸好我是對那種不親近之人總抱持七分懷疑態度之人,所以得以保身。)

她不管別人是否已經忙到焦頭爛額,只要她覺得有必要,妳就必須在兵荒馬亂之際趁隙偷出一些時間來完成她交代的事情,因為她永遠不會幫妳分擔,她忙著摸她頭髮整理儀容或者跟人抬槓,而這些事情比幫忙還重要。她什麼都不做,她只要用一張嘴就可以成功達陣。因為她功力出神入化到知道如何在適當時機展現她"積極向上"的一面,扣除掉她說話發表演說證明自己勞心勞力而別人永遠都不夠她盡心的廢話連篇,再扣除掉她打電話聊天或跟坐在櫃檯跟別人打屁的時間,最後再扣除掉她上下樓找碴增加別人負擔的時間,剩下的她什麼也沒做。而她永遠可以準時下班,因為她從來無須在下班前完成打掃工作,也不必做雜務寫報表。

自從發現她真面目後,本人對她的厭惡程度以幾萬倍數瘋狂繁衍,比細菌滋生速度還要快。我做過幾份工作,但從沒有人可以將人性的猥瑣和卑劣表現地如此淋漓盡致。前幾天她又發揮找麻煩功力,看著她下樓的背影,我當時跟在她後面,真想抬高老娘貴腳賜她一腿,但想想這樣會玷汙了我的腳,只好作罷,現在我想將Lily Allen的歌送給她,希望她可以戴著假面具過一輩子,將良心擱置一邊,繼續腐爛下去。

Lily Allen- Fuck You

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it’s not okay to be gay
well I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
you’re point of view is medieval

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
you want to be like your father
it’s approval you’re after
well that’s not how you’ll find it

Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
you’re losing control of it
and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, ***** you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch






創作者介紹

A Swan With No Color。

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